


it doesn't matter how many times you fall

by orphan_account



Series: the twice/loona crossovers nobody wanted [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band), TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Relationship, Sort Of, all of haseul's exes are inspired by my ex-crushes, alternate universe: time zones don't exist, i didn't invent the haseul/mina tag and i'm a little scared, mina is an idol but haseul isn't, tw: anxiety/homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 22:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20240221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (It doesn't matter who you end up falling for, either.)Or: In which Haseul and Mina are phone pals and best friends, and over the years they discover that they might be a little bit more.





	it doesn't matter how many times you fall

**Author's Note:**

> i know loona and twice have barely interacted. fight me. also i swear my fics are getting longer with every one i post- it's a little worrying
> 
> title from chica by chung ha

When Haseul is eleven, her parents convince her that she should have a pen pal. They’ve just moved to America, and Haseul, barely able to finish essays in a new language, let alone make friends at her new school, misses Korea so much that sometimes she can’t breathe from the terrifying weight of it all. She overhears them talking about how they know a family who had moved in the opposite direction as them, from America to Japan and then to Korea, with a daughter Haseul’s age, and wouldn’t it be nice if they could talk? She despises the thought of needing her parents to help her make a friend nearly as much as she  _ wants  _ someone to talk to who understands, so, reluctantly, she agrees on one condition. She’s never been good with writing and she knows the fees for shipping letters overseas are exorbitant, so they arrange to have phone calls instead.

And even though their first phone calls are awkward, they bond quickly over  _ something  _ Haseul can’t name. Maybe it’s that Mina always knows how to help Haseul deal with her little sister, Yeojin- maybe it’s that they’re both so good at describing the food they miss to the other that even if it’s after dinner, Haseul hangs up hungry. 

Maybe it’s that when Haseul is thirteen, she has a secret that she can’t tell anyone who knows the people relevant to the secret, but she needs to tell someone and Mina is the only option. 

“I have a crush,” she says as soon as Mina answers the phone. Mina has been talking about her crushes for years, and Haseul knows her friend has been waiting for her to start talking about them too.

Expectedly, Mina yelps into her ear. “Really? On who? Is he nice? What does he look like? Oh, is he your lab partner?”

Haseul  _ wishes  _ it was her lab partner, David, who she’s been complaining about for weeks because he doesn’t know the difference between microscopes and mitochondria. But.. “No,” she says, suddenly unwilling to keep talking. What if Mina doesn’t want to talk to her anymore? What if this ruins their friendship and Mina does find a way to call Haseul’s parents and it ruins her life in general? 

Mina hears her hesitation, somehow, and she says, “You know you can tell me anything, right? I won’t get mad at you even if it’s that jerk who thought you spoke Spanish just because you were foreign.”

“You wouldn’t get mad even if it’s not a he?” Haseul blurts.

Mina hangs up. For an instant, Haseul thinks her life is over.

Then Mina calls her again, but it’s a video call this time. She knew the right thing to do- the sight of Mina’s face, albeit a slightly confused one, instantly makes her feel better. Startled, Haseul almost laughs. “Haseul,” Mina says, and the seriousness in her voice is shocking. “We’re friends no matter what, you know that, right?” She pauses. “It might take a bit to get used to, though.” 

“That’s okay,” says Haseul. She means it, she really does. 

Mina settles back on her bed. “So,” she says, “tell me about this crush.”

-

When Haseul is eighteen and she’s graduated high school, she convinces her parents to let her take a gap year before college. She’s done her research, she’s saved her money, she’s taken so many jobs, and she finally has the budget and the time to visit her old home in Korea. 

The problem: She’s bought two tickets, one for her and one for her girlfriend, who had planned to go with her, and her girlfriend is apparently breaking up with her.

“I’m sorry, Haseul,” Hana texted her. “It would be nice to go to Korea with you over the summer, but there will be pretty girls in college and maybe you’ll meet someone in the months abroad without me. It doesn’t seem worth it, you know?” She insisted on retracting her share of the hotel money because she couldn’t refund the ticket, and after Haseul had sat in bed with tissues and some cheesy anime to distract her for weeks, she’d texted back, “It’s fine. Bringing Yeojin. Have a nice time at college.” She had not, in fact, planned to bring Yeojin, but Hana had hated her little sister and the one spiteful bone Haseul owned insisted on getting this one small revenge. (Of course, Yeojin finds out and insists on coming. Haseul pretends to mind, but she doesn’t. Her little sister is a nice distraction, and she barely remembers Korea- Haseul feels a strange obligation to show Yeojin her home country.) 

When she arrives and checks into the hotel, Yeojin insists on getting takeout because it’s late, so she takes a picture in front of the bingsoo she’s bringing her sister as a surprise and texts Mina.  _ Guess where? _

Mina calls her a moment later, tripping over her words in shock. This is the first time they’ve been in the same country despite knowing each other for seven years, and Haseul admits to herself, at the back of her mind, that meeting Mina was a big reason why she’d wanted to visit Korea.

When they finally meet up at a park the next day, it feels strangely like coming home. (Mina is even prettier in real life. Haseul wonders how many moles she has. Haseul wonders if rebounds are an actual thing or if they’re just a thing that controlling exes invented to make people feel guilty about getting over them.) They smile and laugh together and even though Yeojin looks very disinterested, Mina makes an attempt to include her in their games. Things feel bright and wonderful and Haseul never wants to go home.

(But Yeojin has to. Before she flies back for her first day of school while Haseul has a whole year to make friends and live on her own, she tells Haseul, “You’re in love.”

“No, I’m not,” Haseul denies. “With who, anyway?”

“Mina,” Yeojin says sagely.

Mustering all the fake homophobia she can, Haseul attempts to protest, “That’s friend love. She’s a girl.”

“Friend love like what you had with Hana?” Yeojin asks and smiles ‘innocently’ at her older sister. While Haseul sputters, she adds, “I’ll support you no matter what, sis. In fact, I believe I have a crush on this girl Yerim from school.” With that, she flounces off to get some sugary drink for the plane.

Haseul’s not in love with Mina, she swears she isn’t. They’re friends, and Mina is straight, and they live in different countries, and she’s still not over Hana.)

-

When Haseul returns from Korea, she’s happy and sad at the same time. Happy to see her family again, sad to miss all her friends- new ones, like Kahei, a model coming from China and her maybe-not-just-friends Sooyoung and Jinsol, Haseul’s neighbors, and old ones, like Mina and her childhood friend Jiwoo, who she hasn’t spoken to in years.

But it’s going to be okay. She enjoys college. She pines after a girl bizarrely named Ocean for half the year and then has a strange on-and-off relationship with her roommate Maya for the rest of it before she breaks it off. She passes her classes and decides to major in something musical. She’s discovered that she likes singing.

But then before she turns twenty, Mina calls her.

“I’m becoming an idol,” she says before Haseul can say anything, all in one breath. 

“You’re what?” Haseul replies, confused. 

Mina isn’t done, though. “They saw me shopping with my mom and wanted me to sign up but my mom said no but I was interested so I snuck away and I auditioned and I got in and I’m going to start training and I’m terrified.”

Haseul remembers what Mina had done for her when she’d come out and switches the call to video. “I’m going to be here for you,” she says. “Even if you become famous. Even if you drop out after a day.”

Mina smiles just a little bit. “Okay.”

“What entertainment company?” Haseul asks.

“JYP,” Mina says. “They seem nice enough. But I guess… nothing is perfect.”

Haseul thinks about her life and Mina’s life and the secrets they’re both keeping from their family. “Yeah,” she says. “Nothing is perfect.”

Mina becomes a successful trainee, shockingly, and she debuts in a survival show. She convinces Haseul not to watch it (“They might make me do horrible things. I don’t want you to see that.”) but Haseul keeps track of it via updates and cheers for Mina every chance she gets. When she wins fourth place and becomes part of the winning group, Twice, Haseul doesn’t stop cheering for her. Even when she’s so busy that they don’t call for weeks. Even when Haseul has her own problems and she can barely muster excitement for her own life. Even when there are scandals.

Haseul remembers Yeojin saying that she’s in love with Mina. She wonders if maybe her little sister was right.

-

Mina is more subdued the next time they call. Haseul tries to get something out of her, but she doesn’t reveal anything until the end of the call, where she blurts out, “I think I’m bi,” and hangs up. Haseul calls back but she doesn’t get an answer.

The next morning, Mina texts her.  _ I’m sorry for hanging up on you. I’m just stressed. Is it normal to like two people at once _

_ Yes _ , Haseul texts back.  _ It’s happened to me too. You know I’ll support you no matter what, right? _

An hour later:  _ Yeah. Yeah, I do _

-

When Haseul is twenty, her parents find out about some of the secrets she’s been keeping from them.

Namely, they walk in on her planning a Valentine’s Day date with her current girlfriend and even though they don’t do much of anything dramatic like kick her out or stop helping her with college, they make it clear that she’s not allowed to bring any evidence of her sexuality within a mile of the house. She’s in college now and she’s independent, but she still finds herself sobbing at 3 in the morning. She still finds herself ending things with her girlfriend, who she’d liked well enough, because she doesn’t want her to be hurt. She still finds herself speaking to Yeojin, now entering high school, less often, just in case. 

She calls Mina later. It goes to voicemail. She calls the next day. It goes to voicemail.

Mina calls her a whole, painful seventeen days later. Haseul doesn’t pick up. 

For some reason or another, some unspoken fight or another, they don’t talk for four painful months.

(Haseul watches everything with Mina in it. Music videos, interviews, fancams, Instagram posts. Everything.

She wonders if she’s really that much of a masochist.)

-

Mina calls her in the middle of the night.

Haseul picks up because she misses Mina and she’s been waiting, foolishly, for someone to make the first move. “Hello?”

“Seulie,” Mina says, and Haseul can hear that she’s either slightly drunk or very tired. Either way, she’s slurring a little bit and doesn’t seem to have some sort of filter. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Minari,” Haseul says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Mina whispers. There’s the edge of tears in her voice. “I’ve been busy. Promoting and filming and acting cheerful and kissing people at the parties the media pretends not to know about.”

“Have you?” Haseul tries to sound neutral.

“I have,” Mina continues, “and I want my friends there. I want you and the rest of Twice. I want to not be so stressed all the time. I want to have better methods of coping with my stress. I want to be a better friend to you. I’m so sorry, Seulie. I heard about your parents and your girlfriend and everything. Yeojin decided to keep me updated. I wasn’t there.” Her voice is almost a sob, and Haseul’s heart breaks then and there.

“Shh,” she says. “It’s going to be okay. It is. I’m sorry too. I wasn’t there for you either and maybe it’s just that our problems are aligning this time.” Her voice cracks. “I missed you so much.”

Haseul can’t see Mina’s face, but she knows her friend is trying to smile through the tears. “We have to talk more. It’s scarier than I thought. Being famous. I can’t talk to you and I don’t have much time and- it’s fun too, though. Nobody ignores me,” she says softly. “They all love me. Or at least they say they do.”

“I love you,” Haseul says before she can think about her words. “And I’m not just saying it.” They’ve been friends for such a long time. Saying  _ I love you _ should be normal. But it feels strange to Haseul. 

“I love you too,” Mina murmurs into the phone. Haseul’s heart skips a beat. “Is Yeojin doing okay?” Unspoken is that if her little sister had reacted badly to Haseul being outed, it would have been terrible. The siblings are close, closer than Haseul is with her parents.

“Yeah,” Haseul says. “She figured it out when she was like twelve. I… I’ll live. I think they’ll get used to it. It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“I’m not,” she admits. “But if it’s not okay, I’ll make it okay. I need to be there for Yeojin and for you and for all the people I care about.”

“You’re not allowed to fall apart because you want to help us,” Mina tells her with all the sternness she can muster. “I’m going to take care of you and you can’t stop me.”

Haseul laughs a little bit. “Why would I want to?”

-

They call nearly weekly after that, making sure to check in and laugh and enjoy the presence of a friend. And somehow, almost naturally, they begin saying  _ I love you _ at the end of each call. Haseul isn’t sure of much in her life, but she knows that Mina is one of the most important people to her.

She’s almost done with college and she has a lot of student debt, but when a world tour for Twice is announced, she manages to scrape together enough money for a ticket. Mina calls her a lot beforehand, and Haseul reassures her and promises to bring her food. She hears the stress in her friend’s voice, and she begins to worry.

Then it’s the week before the concert, and Mina calls her one last time. “Haseul,” she whispers. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” Haseul asks, propping her phone against her ear while she puts a batch of brownies for her friend Jiwoo’s birthday in the oven.

“The tour and the performing and just- everything,” Mina says. “It’s terrifying and I’m just so tired and I- I know you want to see me but I’m going to go home. I need a break.” She’s impressively reserved. Haseul is proud of her- Mina knows how to take care of herself. 

“Do whatever you need to take care of yourself,” Haseul says. “You can go home. You can eat all the weird Western egg rolls you want. And put ketchup on them even though I keep telling you it’s gross. Everyone is going to understand.”

“You’re sure?” Mina sounds like she’s made all of her plans, but there’s a tiny fracture in her voice. Haseul realizes that Mina had wanted her approval.

“I’m sure,” Haseul tells her firmly. There’s the scent of vaguely burnt brownies in the air, and she rushes to take them out of the oven. “Hold on a minute.”

When she’s saved the brownies, which are only just crackling at the edges, Mina asks, “Were you baking?”

“Yeah, brownies,” Haseul says. An idea comes to her suddenly. “When is your flight?”

“Tomorrow, why?”

“Do you want to come over?” Haseul asks. “I have brownies. And tea.” Jiwoo will understand if she doesn’t bring a full batch of brownies.  _ Probably.  _ “I know you’re not that close but you’re in the area for the concert and-”

“Yes,” Mina says without any hint of hesitation and hangs up.

-

They haven’t seen each other in real life for a while. They’d met once or twice after Haseul’s year in Korea, briefly, but it was still a strange thing to see Mina in her kitchen, perched awkwardly against the counter.

“I like your bangs,” Haseul offers. 

“Thank you,” Mina says. She takes a sip of the tea. “What were the brownies for?”

“Just for fun,” Haseul lies. “I don’t have much homework.” (This is also a lie. She has a  _ lot  _ of homework- it’s senior year after all.)

Mina doesn’t seem to detect the lie. “You’re a good baker.”

“Thanks,” Haseul mutters, suddenly embarrassed. It’s just Mina, she reminds herself. Just Mina, who she’s known practically all her life.

Mina nibbles at the edge of a brownie. “Did you know that Jihyo is dating someone? That should take some of the focus off me.”   
“Really? I thought you had a dating ban,” Haseul says. She knows Mina is trying to distract them, but she doesn’t mind.

“Yeah,” Mina says. “It’s over.” She pauses. “She could do better.” Another pause. “I would do better. I think.”   
“How?” Haseul asks. She wants to know, she really does.

Mina shrugs with one shoulder. “Well, you’re better, to start with.” Haseul sucks in a breath, but Mina continues. “I think that’s a lot of why it was so stressful. I’m keeping all these secrets from my audience but I expect them to love me anyway.”   
“Oh,” says Haseul because she doesn’t know what else to say.   
Mina’s barely touched her brownie. “Yeah, oh,” she says with a small, sad smile. “We’re friends even through everything, right?”   
“We don’t have to be,” Haseul says and Mina looks at her, confused. “Friends. We don’t have to be friends. We can be something else. If that’s something you want. It’s something I would definitely like.”   
It’s Mina’s turn to say “Oh.” She grasps Haseul’s hand under the table. “The thought of… lying about something else, I guess… it’s terrifying.”   
“I understand,” Haseul says, and she does. She’s become used to lies, but that doesn’t mean she likes them. “I’m going to be here, okay? Whatever you want. Whenever.”   
“And the same for you,” Mina says. “You’ve supported me through all my many mistakes. I owe you the world.”

Haseul thinks:  _ You are the world. _

Haseul says: “It doesn’t matter how many mistakes we make. It doesn’t matter why we make them. It matters that we’re there to pick each other up after we fall.”   
Mina smiles at her. It’s raining outside. “Yeah,” she says. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments make my day!! you could literally call me an uncooked piece of seal bladder and i would be happy


End file.
